The relationship I have with my brother in-law Travis has always been a complicated one. See, I married his identical twin brother, Trenton.
When Trent and first started dating Travis and I had a pretty good time. I remember Trent took me on a date to a Japanese restaurant and I soon discovered that it was also a date with his twin brother. Later I would come to find out that this was the first test of many. Trenton was seeking Travis’ approval.
I loved Travis. I thought he was funny and eccentric and someone that I would LOVE to party with.
After Trent and I were married, things got a little weird…
When I started dating Trent I knew I was going to have to always share my life with another human being. But – I didn’t know that it was going to have to be TWO human beings. It was almost as if I had to always seek his approval for if I was being a good wife to his brother. MY HUSBAND.
So, I had to compromise my entire life, but he wasn’t willing to compromise that Trent was my husband, and the first year of marriage is always hard, but it’s even worse when it seems like a million people are in your lives.
And somedays I had off I didn’t want to have to share my husband, my first year of marriage.
So, the years went on, and the resentment grew deeper and deeper because I also felt like sometimes Travis thought he was was better than us. We kind of stopped talking COMPLETELY for a year. Trent also was suffering from depression at the time.
Trent was hospitalized and that was brought Travis back into my life. I realized I needed Travis. Travis could help me figure out and process the thoughts I was having over my husbands depression.
Back in July of this year Travis was hospitalized with a sepsis that had developed in his body. Part of the process was having to go into surgery and put on a colostomy bag that would carry his poop in a bag on his body.
The weeks following the surgery was torture. I saw Travis have issues with embarrassment, self esteem. He really just wanted to have the thing taken off!
About a month ago I did start distancing myself because he would say really hurtful things that was making me feel bad about other people in my husbands family.
I don’t have a family of my own. The Hagans are my family. My Dads dead, so I think of Trent’s dad as my dad. I never had any sisters, so I think of Dana as MY sister. I’ve really grown up a lot the last few years, but because of things that happened in our very FIRST year of marriage I am still on shaky grounds with a lot of people in Trent’s immediate family. I feel like where Dana LOVES me, others just tolerate me. And, to be quite honest, when everyone notices these changes and you still are on shaky ground with people it does make me think, “Well, maybe its not me?”
This is such a complicated situation that I have digressed, and I apologize.
Travis went in for his reversal on Monday. Wednesday they started feeding him clear liquids, Thursday- his incision came loose from when they reattached it. They had to send him into emergency surgery.
I haden’t been up to visit Travis at all that week. I was worried Wednesday because Trent had told me that he was slightly pneumatic.
The emergency surgery didn’t go as planned. They have induced coma on Travis for seven days so they can clear up an infection. They also placed him on a ventilator.
My husband is a complete wreck. He is beside himself with grief. He doesn’t know what he would do without his brother.
Trent was back there and the surgeon that worked on Travis came in. He was holding Travis’ hand and he said, “I don’t know how much of this is your fault, or how much is just bad circumstances, but he BETTER WAKE UP!”
I was sitting in the waiting room hearing everyone tell stories about when they went back there, (Dana said he smiled when someone pointed out that she was coming because you could hear her heels clompping down on the ground,).
They asked me if I wanted to come back and I made up an excuse about having a cold and not wanting to make him worse.
The truth is, I was scared. I didn’t think my mental state could handle seeing someone I love and someone that means SO much to my husband…I just couldn’t do it.
I snuck in there today. He looked really good. His color was really great. I held his hand. “Hi. Its me Mae.” He grabbed my hand. “I’m here Travis, and you have a whole lot of people thinking about you right now. There’s a ton of people that are lighting you white candles on Facebook and …” He grabbed my hand. I started to tear up, “I need you to be okay because my husband doesn’t work without you. And I love you too. You are my brother. ” He grabbed my hand. “No more pettiness. Just parties when you wake up. Okay?” He grabbed my hand.
I love Travis and I just want him to wake up and I want everything to be better. If you’re reading this, will you send prayers and thoughts his way?